I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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