I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
What drink are we having for lunch?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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