Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
