after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
