he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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