Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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