oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
