I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
