i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
