I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
