I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
