i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
