I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
