; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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