dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
