I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
