Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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