i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
