Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
