Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
