the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Please don't give away my fajitas
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
