McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
