Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
