Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
