I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
