i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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