I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Floor bacon is actually really good
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
