so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
