Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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