oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
