why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
