If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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