paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
