i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
