these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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