Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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