maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
