Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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