Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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