singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
