i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
