my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
