There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
