just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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