u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
