Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Screwed.edu
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
