So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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