Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
