im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
