the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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