Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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