DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
